bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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