I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think i scared a bird with my dick
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
