I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
