a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We are all done wearing pants today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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