Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
