Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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