You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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