My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
