You're my little dorito
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
