I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize