I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i think my cat just said my name.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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