What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
