is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
