ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
