dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
