I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
