wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
try to milk me bitch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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