i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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