My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
the raccoons are back...
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