Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
