hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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