If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
