After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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