remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
