Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
