I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
