Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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