My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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