I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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