We're facebook friends in real life
I think I died a long time ago.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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