i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
