A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im part way to drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
