Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
