Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to calm my uterus...
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