apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
