I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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