no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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