plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
