i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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