so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
