ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
