i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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