i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize