I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
