god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
