Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
