It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
