just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
