I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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