I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
