Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
