I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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