they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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