I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
