I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
