I cockslap morals
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
