I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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