My room smells like vodka and shame
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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