i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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