I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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I want her autograph on my taint
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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