i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your penis caused this!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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