Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
