Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize