And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
