just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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