We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
