i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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