if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
