i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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