My nipple is on Facebook.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
