Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
