i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
