I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
