haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
