just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can I color on your dick again?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
