I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
