Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
