I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize