hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
