Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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