Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
