Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
