Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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