I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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